then continued with, "The more I figure out what I am doing here the more awesome it gets!"
And thus my 24-year-old daughter's journey to Mexico begins, off to witness first hand pyramids, Mayan ruins, coastal communities and beaches, the culture, linguistic tutors, creole drum lessons, and life. All by herself. No tour guide. No companion. Just her.
Could I do that at 24 years of age? Heck, could I do that now, when I'm past the big 60 milestone? I don't know. I would have to do some serious soul searching on that.
But before I had time to really reflect on the topic, a phone call came in the evening, just three days after she left, from her twin brother, Andrew. "Mom, I've just purchased my ticket to Mexico. I'm leaving Saturday morning to join Elizabeth and will come back with her in June." So, okay, he's off to explore too! For over a month. Just like that. Bam! It's a done deal.
Wow. How do I even respond to that? Well, my mother's heart shouts out loud and clear, "GO! Experience this beautiful world! Explore big time! Magic and adventure await. Do it now while you are not bogged down with 'jobs' and bills to pay and kids to feed and all the other silly everyday routine of life things that tend to entangle us.
Yet...this darn mother's heart of mine, which is full of immeasurable love for each of my children, already feels like it has an empty space in it. And the tears fall even as I write these words. It's because no matter what age my children are, there's this connection thing - this bond - and I feel it so strongly that when I know my little brood of chicks are not all lined up in a row where I know they are safe and I can get in my car and drive to them, or pick up the phone and call them, or FaceTime them, and rather instead might be limited to only an email every now and then when they're in a foreign country, well...my comfort zone is all of a sudden out of kilter.
It's that letting go process that no matter their age, tends to be a challenging process for moms (and dads too perhaps, but I can only write from the mother's perspective since that's what I am) with our babies.
I was reminded of how that process starts early on as I watched the interaction between my daughter, Rachel, and her two-week-old son as they gazed into each others' eyes while she cradled him. I could literally feel the bond between them. It was strong, very strong. If only Super Glue bonded my broken objects together like that! Yet as we discussed when she might be ready to go back to work, we both realized how difficult it was to even start thinking about leaving him in the hands of another caregiver.
But it happens. Eventually. Whether it's a daycare center, a big yellow school bus, a driver's license, college, or adventures into foreign countries, we mothers have no other choice. The goal of course is to do it gradually for their own good and ours. But my oh my, that's not to say the process is without some pain...and pride and joy too. For now though I'm feeling the pain.
A mother's heart is an interesting thing...
